Thursday, November 10, 2005

# 74 ROMANTIC NOTIONS - Chapter 3


Now if loving a man to the extent that he fully occupies your thoughts, your dreams, your fantasies, your consciousness, makes that man your “lover”, than I have had too many lovers. And most of them have endeared themselves to me in the last few years, when at my age, you would assume I would know better.

The adulterous business started after I retired. My first errant affair is still crisp in my mind. Despite a loving husband, I fell head over heels in love with another man.

This lover of mine galloped into my life in a totally unexpected way. But yet like so many lovers he broke in on my psyche like the fabled knight in shining armor on a white steed. Oh, yes, it is true. The pen is mightier than the sword. He had no sword or scabbard. But with nothing more than a pen, he stroked me in a more provocative way than the delicate warmth of a finger caressing my lips, or a gentle hand fondling the smoothness of skin.

This man reached into my very heart and soul and molded my sensitivities to match his. He made me see a special sweetness in him that could not be denied. A sweetness that I pleasured in, in a way that I have never known before. An uncommon delight that made every cell of my spirit mind and body tingle. And, if I can assume that his adoration equaled mine, an adoration that surpassed all that I had ever dared to long or hope for. And so, at night, without his shirt to wrap myself in or his boots to put under my bed, I stashed his book under my pillow and inhaled the comforting essence of that which he created.

Now one extramarital affair should have been enough, but I continued down that same careless road. Since then I have been seduced by so many others. There was my January love, and my February love, and my March love and on and on it goes. Two weeks ago I was seduced by a man who could paint every detail, every nuance, every sight and smell of his environment into virtual reality with nothing more than words. And although he spoke to me in the third person, I could feel that which warmed his heart and that which pained his soul. I loved him for his passion and understanding. For his wit and sensibility. I loved him because of the uncanny way his interpretation of romance and heartbreak matched my own.

The truth is, it is authors that so magically and easily seduce me. Whether their stories are tragedies, romances, classics, or whatever, it is not the hero or villain of the story that I fall in love with. It is not even the stormy emotional ups and downs of the book’s plot. My hopeless promiscuity stems from the way I read a book.

I always have a small segment of my mind embedded in the story, but the rest of my passions are developing the qualities of the man who wrote this stuff. Right now, I am reading John Steinbeck’s “East of Eden”, and whether I am just too bloody casual or a hopeless nymphomaniac, I can’t be too sure. All I know is that I have barely started reading and already I am falling madly and hopelessly in love with him. Allowing him to possess my thoughts night and day and longing for him to possess mine.

But now, for just a brief moment, I want to turn your attention to something else seemingly unrelated. It has to do with adultery in another form.

Now most of us engage in Internet Relationships in some form or other. And those with greater discernment than I believe that when these electronic interchanges become too intimate they can topple over the edge. And by that I mean that despite the lack of physical contact, they slip insidiously into the category of adultery. As for me, I fail to understand this. I have been programmed to think that adultery cannot happen without physical contact.

But, because of these perceptions, although I haven’t done the research, I expect that right now there are cases before the courts of married couples demanding separations based on adultery that had no more form or substance than an electronic text interchange. Maybe a photo or two. So if that is the case, where does that leave me with all my author-lovers? I guess one of the most adulterous women that ever walked the face of the earth.

Hub was right about the ‘opportunity’ thing. So do you think now I should do the ‘right thing’ and let Hub know? It seems like I’m the one at fault here. I’m the one that ultimately broke my side of our agreement. The agreement not to allow myself to be in a place of opportunity where mistakes could happen.

Next post, a surprising insight into how young people of today see and interpret relationships.


Blogger Molly said...

Hi Roberta,

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but I'm hanging on to your every word. Can't wait for the next installment.

....and no, I am not printing out your weblog posts and putting them under my pillow at night... :-)


2:20 PM  
Blogger Roberta said...

Hi Molly. Your comment is appreciated. My audience, if I have one, is so silent, I was beginning to think no one was following along. Tempted to quit. Leave it as a cliffhanger. But since you're with me, I'm going to continue on - even if you're not stashing these posts under your pillow. (Chuckle).

1:25 AM  

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