Saturday, December 17, 2005

# 87 TOO BAD, TOO SEXY, TOO BIZARRE

TOO BAD

Timelines are tight. Only eight days until the big one. But starting right now I’m going to be Bad, Bad, Bad. As Bad as I can be. So I will get more than a chunk of coal. More than a pathetic Size-7 sockfull. I’m going to be bad enough to get a truckload of coal. And I’ll use it to heat the house…
Cause who can afford natural gas?

What kind of stuff can I do to be bad enough in Eight Days to get that much coal?

Not so difficult. Day one I’ll start by being thoroughly distasteful. Day two I’ll ignore good manners. Day three, I’ll stick out my tongue, pout, be rude, and cantankerous. Day four, now that I’m getting the hang of it, I’ll go to ultra-extreme-evil bad. So bad, so evil, that I will ignore political correctness and others’ sense of dignity.

And Day five will be worse. I will go about and shout from rooftops at the top of my lungs ugly phrases like “Merry CHISTMAS Everyone! MERRY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!”

And Day six I will set up nativity scenes.

Day seven I will belt out Christmas Carols, and on Day 8, I will quote Bible stuff like, ‘Unto us a child is born…’ etc.

And if Christmas morn, I don’t get a truckload of coal, I will know for a certainty that somehow we have ‘badness’ and ‘goodness’ all mixed up.


TOO SEXY

My teenage granddaughter works evenings after school as a cook’s helper. And of course (and this has absolutely nothing to do with her being my granddaughter), she is the most gorgeous young lady that ever walked the face of the earth. Truly she is.

Now the other night when my stunningly beautiful GD burst through the door after work in a particularly joyous mood, prancing and spinning and doing a happy dance and singing, I listened carefully to hear the murmured words of her soft little song as she spun about the room.

“I’m too sexy for my apron, I’m too sexy for my hair-net.” And yeh, that’s when I noticed she was wearing a hair-net.

Now normally, because of the huge generation gap, her and I seldom agree on anything. But when I heard what she was singing about her hair-net, I couldn’t have agreed more. She is absolutely right. She is too sexy for her hair-net.

But all that aside, what joy, what relief, to know for a certainty that despite the beyond-the-bounds-of reason non-sexiness of hair-nets, some restaurants still require kitchen staff to wear them. I am pleased about that.


TOO BIZARRE

Did you know that with the coming of the digital age that the double space between the period at the end of a sentence and the next sentence is now ONE space rather than two? How twisted is that?

5 Comments:

Anonymous Aurora said...

LOL! Yes, I did know about the spaces after a period, but it's still a difficult habit for me to break. In fact, I still do two... it's just that the html eats one. I learned how to type on a typewriter, so I guess old habits die hard. :)

As for the badness, well, I'm going to be bad, too. I'm going to tell everyone Happy Holidays from the bottom of my heart, because, you know, I'm one of those evil liberals who wants to wage war on Christmas *eyeroll* It couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that many celebrations happen at the same time each year and that I have no way of reading minds, so have no idea how someone else may celebrate unless I actually have known them for a while. :)

Sounds like you're a Christmas person, so Merry Christmas to you, Roberta. :)

6:50 PM  
Blogger Roberta said...

Hi aurora. Yes, I noticed that html lives on a diet of half-orders of double spaces that it quietly sneaks aways when no one is looking.

And YES, aurora, I am a Christmas person through and through. But it doesn't matter how you meet or greet me at Christmas time. Like you said, we can't possibly read minds but there is no reason that all of us can't approach this season of the year with loads of goodwill and complete tolerance rather than concentrating on grievances about what we should say and how we should say it.

Thank you for the warm wishes, may you and yours find Special Joys in the Season. Oh, hell, JUST HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! :)

11:31 PM  
Anonymous Ronni Bennett said...

The reason for the loss of the double space after periods is its redundancy when using scalable fonts - an "m" is four times as wide as, for example, an "i" or an "l". And so the double space is not needed to make the text easily readable.

It's still necessary when using a non-scalable font such as Courier where every letter takes up the same amount of space on a page.

3:42 AM  
Blogger Roberta said...

gd, thank you from the bottom of my heart for that warm and wonderful greeting.

And by the way, you are too sexy for a hairnet, but NOT too sexy for an apron, or dishcloth, or broom...etc, etc.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Roberta said...

hi ronni. Thanks for the comment and clearing up the space-thing. Guess I could ease some of my frustration by switching to Courier font but that font is about as attractive as a hairnet. ;)

9:38 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home