Thursday, February 23, 2006


I wish I could shake off this melancholy spirit. Laughter is what I need. Oh yes, that is exactly what I need. But although I can dance without reason, jump without reason, and somersault without reason, I can’t laugh without reason. That is too scary. A certain signal to the world that I have a disturbed mind.

And crying for no reason could well send the same message as laughing for no reason, although far more people do it than the other. So although I’m scraping and scratching around in my current scenario looking for the reasons I need to cry, I find nothing except ‘normalcy’.

The normal passage of time, the normal impact on body and soul of the passage of time, the normal decline of physical body and spirit that accompany the passage of time. So if it’s anticipated, expected, and above all, normal, then it isn’t a valid reason to cry.

But, on the other hand, crying is okay if I have a reason to cry. And I do have a reason. I must cry for the same reason that I shower every day. For hygiene. For cleanliness. And in the same way I oft find myself thinking of “The Little Engine that Could”, and chanting in a juvenile crease in my brain, “I think I can, I think I can,” to encourage myself to persevere when things get tough, I sometimes whisper lyrics for a little song that reminds me why I need to cry.

The song is a wee hymn I learned as a child and, with or without religious application, I still think it is a wondrous little bit of prose that is amazingly comforting. Especially since we live in a society that insists that for contentment all that we do must be purpose-driven.

I have changed the words to suit today’s rant but to those who know, love, and honor this song, I beg forgiveness for my indiscretion. I solemnly promise not to do it again. So here’s today’s one-time version.

“I washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The sober heart I have is good for me.
I took it all apart and looked inside,
Where all my bummed out thoughts tend to reside.

I swept away the things that made me blind
And then I saw the clouds were silver-lined.
And now I understand it was to be,
Washing my eyes with tears has helped me see.”

* Singing, sniffling *

Now that’s much better. Eyes cleansed, vision clear. No waste of time or effort in that routine. It was totally purpose-driven – to cleanse my eyes so I could see the silver lining in this afternoon, this evening, and the next day and the next. And I do see that silver lining so clearly now. Do you?


Blogger Roberta said...

A small point of clarification about this post. I originally hestitated to post it - thinking it might drag happy spirts down. But in the end I concluded that if anyone read it that was sad they would be encouraged. As much as we would like to think so it is not always happy thoughts that make a sad soul feel better. Sometimes parallels do that job better.

1:33 PM  

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